THOUGHTS: new year, new fears.

2014 is just around the corner. For the first time in my memory, I'm not excited about the new year. I'm not sure why. In the years past, December 31st would come around, and I'd be thrilled, anticipating all the opportunities and experiences coming my way. A year is a long time, I've learned, and there's room for just about anything to happen. That used to excite me, but now, it scares me.

2013 was a pretty incredible year. I learned so many new things, and grew in so many ways. There were a lot of firsts for me, and a lot of done-this-a-thousand-times. I made memories I'll cherish for as long as I live. And I'm sad to be officially leaving that all behind. I've been here in Nova Scotia for over 3 months. Today, actually, is exactly 4 months since I left home. In some ways, it feels like it was only the other day that I hugged my friends goodbye and got into the van, trying not to cry. In other ways, it feels like years and years ago.

Either way, 2013 was probably one of the best years I remember having. There were some difficult times (hello, moving) but I definitely think the good outshone the bad a hundredfold. Now, it's just about to end, and a whole new year is coming. A whole new year of unsurety and apprehension, a new year where the page is completely blank and the bend in the road isn't a bend, it's an obnoxiously sharp turn. I have literally no idea what's in store for me. I've decided I'm not a huge fan of "new." This move has made me one of the most nostalgic people alive!

I do have some ideas, of course. I want to graduate (heeeeeee...), I want to spend my summer in Alberta and get a feel of what it would be like living on my own. And then I want to decide where I plan on spending the next few years. The thought of having to make a decision like that makes me cringe. I don't do decisions. I don't know if these things I want are going to happen. I don't have a job, I don't have the first clue how to get one where I'm living right now. Hopefully, by the time 2015 rolls in, I'll have myself a bit more straightened out.

So I guess, if I have to have a resolution, it's just one, and it's this; I resolve to take control of my life. By 2015, I want to have some sort of plan. So here's hoping!