the skin i'm in.

If any of you know me well, you know that I'm not the most confident of people. I second-guess myself all the time. I'm uncomfortable having my picture taken, because I hate how I look in 90% of them. I think I'm too fat, I think my hair is awful it's too thick, it's too frizzy. I don't like my blotchy complexion, I don't like how big my nose is, I don't like how I look like a monkey when I smile.

Lately though, I've been working really hard at improving my self-esteem. I don't want to be one of those people who think they are an angel in human form, sent to earth to teach humanity the error of their ways/looks, but I don't want to feel inadequate all the time either. I want to feel like I'm human, so of course there's room for improvement, but at the same time, feel like I'm okay just the way I am.

I don't agree with the whole "you're perfect just the way you are, be yourself, don't change a single thing about yourself" mentality. No one is perfect, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to be the best people we can. If you've got a major flaw, work on it. You're too impatient? Practice patience. You're skinny in an unhealthy way? Eat more. You're lazy? Motivate yourself.

The problem with me is, I expect results, stat. If I exercise, and don't see any difference in the next week, I get annoyed and depressed and then stop exercising. If I practice patience, and I find myself impatient as ever, I get annoyed and depressed and stop trying to be patient.

I'm sort of learning. I've been regularly exercising and eating better for about three weeks, and am finally noticing some small differences. I feel less...whale-ish. I've got more energy. I fall asleep faster and wake up somewhat earlier. I don't get headaches all the time. I'm healthier.

via


I also feel better about myself. I don't feel mostly disgusted every time I look at myself in the mirror. I'm not fantastically impressed either; my reaction ranges between "I look pretty nice today!" to "Eh. I look okay I guess." But you know what? That's better than "OH MY GOSH EW EW EW!"

I've sort of changed my views of myself, but I don't know how or why or even when. I don't remember waking up one morning and thinking "Oh! I'm going to be more appreciative of myself!" It just sort of...happened. It seems to be working in a nicely moderated sort of way, so while I don't hate my body and the way it looks, I'm not overly enthusiastic about it either.

-Gwen

Comments

  1. Good calls, Gwen! I've found that holding my head with a little more confidence and smiling a LOT can convey strength and beauty that are a no-fail even on my worst days. Hugs and God bless!

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