God Exists.


Do I know this? I'm going to disappoint you all and say;

No, I don't.


It's impossible for me to know for sure. I want to - oh, how I want to - but I can't. My physical self will always partially reject it. My physical self cannot understand anything beyond this world, and unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it. I am stuck with my physical self, and my physical self only has a physical capacity to understand. My physical self does not understand how there could be a supreme being, and non-physical being. My physical being is the reason I have doubts. The reason I sometimes question God's existence, to myself. The reason I say; How? How can a being so powerful, so wonderful, and so good truly exist, and what's more, love me more than my parents?


It's the reason I stay up at night, trying to convince myself to understand, and to know. Because I so desperately want to know. And sometimes, I feel bad about it. I feel like an ungrateful child. I feel like I'm letting God down, by not accepting him and being done with it. Why am I so weak?


I ended up talking to my priest about it, in fact. I wanted to know if what I was thinking was wrong. He told me that without doubt, there is no faith. There is just knowledge. Knowledge and Faith are two different things.

If God wanted me to know, he would have created me without my physical self. Instead...
Instead, he gave me the ability to believe.
To know is to be 100% sure, and to understand.
To believe is to not necessarily understand, not be sure, but still be confident of the truth.


 In order to believe, I do not have to know. I do not have to understand. I just have to accept, and be content. I have to choose to believe, despite my doubts, despite my misunderstandings. And so;
I believe God is real.
I believe God loves me.
I believe He sent his beloved Son, to die for my sins.
I believe He sees me all the time.
I believe He knows me thoughts.
I believe He forgives me.


and the best part...
I believe He believes in me.


I believe that despite my faults, my failings, my sins...he still believes that I have the potential to be a truly good person, and that I can be happy with him in Heaven, if I try my hardest. And He will never stop believing in me. I may fall and stop believing in him, but he will always, always believe in me. Because he loves me so much, so completely, so amazingly, that I will never be able to even begin to understand it. All I can do is accept it, believe it, and try to deserve it.

So, despite my doubts and wonderings, despite my scepticism, I will choose to believe. I will realize that I will never completely understand God. But I will also realize that I don't have to. God is a mystery, He will always be a mystery, but oh! what a wonderful mystery He is!


God bless you all!