Alberta Girl

(my cat is asleep on my arm, making typing awkward and annoying. oh well.)

There's so much to say and I have no idea where to begin.

So I thought maybe, I'd make a sort of timeline, and then go down the list and maybe fill in some details. For anyone who's reading, but also for myself. I'm kind of excited to have it all written down somewhere.

May, 2013;

I went to my best friend Rebecca's graduation up in Edmonton. After the party, a friend of Rebecca's brother's drove myself and another of my friends to the house where we stayed the night.

I developed a crush on pseudo taxi-driver.

September, 2013;

As some of you know, my whole family packed up and moved to Halifax.

February, 2014;

I got my first job in Halifax. I worked at Bizou, a little accessory store in the Halifax Shopping Centre. It was quiet, I liked it. I worked almost full time, which allowed me to save enough to go back to Alberta for my own graduation...

May, 2014;

I flew out to Alberta for my graduation. Because we were all homeschooled, it was more like a party the students put on for themselves. That was pretty much just Mass in the afternoon, a ceremony with speeches, and a dance. This was where, a year later, I bumped into Mr. Taxi. His real name is Matthew.

July, 2014;

The tail end of my trip involved going to the Catholic Family Life Conference. This was where I got to know Matthew a little, and where I decided I'd like to have him as a friend. Three days after the conference, I was on a plane back to Halifax, so I didn't really hope for much more than that.

August, 2014;

It's hard to put a real timeline on it, because there was a lot of things that lead me to this point. But this is when I'll say, officially, I had developed Anorexia.

I've been debating whether or not to write about my struggles with my eating disorder for months now. For so long, it's been something I kept secret. But it's something that affected me greatly. Talking about it has helped some, but the big thing was hearing and reading about others and their struggles. Maybe, someone will read about mine, and maybe they'll feel less alone.

November, 2014;

I bought a plane ticket to visit home again for the new year. I started to meet with a Franciscan priest in the city. I'll call him Fr. J. He noticed my weight loss, but I lied and said it wasn't intentional. He helped me with a lot of things, emotional and spiritual. As my health declined, I don't think it's extreme to say that he probably saved my life,

December, 2014;

I had lost about 30 pounds in three months. At the start of the summer I weighed about 135, but now I was closer to 110. My goal was 100 or under. I barely ate and was hungry all the time. One day, I snapped. I told myself that I couldn't do it anymore. So I started eating. But when I started eating, my starving body couldn't stop. That's when it turned into Bulimia.

Two days after Christmas I was on the plane and headed home. I was there two weeks. For that short amount of time, my disorder felt like it was only a small hiccup instead of the looming presence it had become.

January, 2015;

I started off 2015 with some friends at a cabin outside of Edmonton. That night, sitting on a couch in the corner of the room, Matthew reached out to hold my hand. The next evening, I was his girlfriend.

February, 2015;

I moved out of my family's house. Father J had set up a sort of program for young women in difficult situations. The parish office was situated in an old Rectory. It had three floors and a basement, and only the main floor was being used. A bedroom on the top floor became mine, and the second floor became my living room. I lived there with two other young ladies.

April, 2015;

Matthew came to Halifax to meet my family. I hadn't seen him in three months, and was over the moon. It was the first time we really got to spend any length of time together, and he met my family. During his visit, he bought me a ticket to go spend two weeks in Alberta in the middle of May.

By the time May came around, he and Rebecca had convinced me not to get on the return flight. In a month, I packed up two suitcases, said my goodbyes, and went home for good.

May, 2015;

I was home. I spent the first two weeks in Edmonton, spending time with Matthew and his family. Then I took the greyhound down to Calgary, and that's where I lived for over a year.

July, 2016;

Matthew and I did what I call "middle distance" for 14 months. The drive from Edmonton to Calgary is 3 hours, and that's a million times better than 7 days. We saw eachother most weekends, but eventually, I decided I wanted more. I moved to "Deadmonton."

January, 2017;

Exactly two years after he first held my hand, Matthew asked me to marry him....and I asked if he was joking. He wasn't!

March, 2017;

Rebecca, who started dating Matthew's younger brother Peter about a year ago, moved up here. We live together now and I'm so content.

Now we're all caught up. I've only written the more important things, of course there are hundreds of little happenings in between, but that would probably take years to write about.

To anyone who's reading, what would you like to see me write about first?

Ivania

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So I know I'm super late for the "New Years Resolutions" thing, so let's just call them plans. Or goals. Whatever.

Basically, I think I need to have some sort of idea of what I want to get done this year, even if there is a pretty good chance I won't get them done. But it's nice to think I'm working towards something! Anyway. Here's a short list.

Find my place.

I know that's super vague and everything, but I don't really have a more detailed plan at present. All I know is, I need to figure out...myself. What I'm supposed to be doing here. By here, I mean Nova Scotia, but also this general point in my life.

Grow in my faith.

Last year and the year before that, I wasn't really making much of an effort in my faith life. That needs to change. I want to make God the number one priority in my life, and to work at getting to know him better.

Graduate.
Spend the summer in Alberta.

My friends and I have made so many plans already, and it's going to be impossible to squeeze them into a week or two or even a month. I'd like to be out there for most of the summer. For fun, but also because I want to figure out how I handle being on my own. I'll be staying with friends, but I'll get a job, and be working towards...something.

Write more. Lots more.

I want to write more on my blog, of course, but also story stuff. I have a few ideas, and I mean really, what else do I have to do? All those angsty famous authors wrote their stories in grey places where it was always foggy and they were completely isolated, right? Right.

Make some sort of plan for next year.

I'm graduating this spring, and that's as far as my plans go. After the summer, everything's completely blank. I'm thinking of applying to a hair college, but my big issue is, where? Calgary or Halifax? That's going to be a tough decision.

Try and take up art again.

I used to be so into my sketching and painting, and about two years ago, I just stopped. I don't know why, but I need to start practicing that again.

Find some sort of activity here to get involved in.

Book club? Dance class? Volunteering? A job????? Something. It's been over four months, and I haven't made a single friend. I haven't done anything. And while I often indulge in the urge to sit alone in my room for hours and not interact with anyone ever, being lonely gets tiring.

Try to feel less homesick.

This is going to be the hardest. I miss home. I miss my house, I miss my neighborhood, I miss my town, I miss my friends and my church. Even writing about it makes my chest hurt and my eyes sting. That's where I belong, way way out on the other side of Canada. But I'm here now, and dwelling on the hurt doesn't really help anyone, does it?

-gwen

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2014 is just around the corner. For the first time in my memory, I'm not excited about the new year. I'm not sure why. In the years past, December 31st would come around, and I'd be thrilled, anticipating all the opportunities and experiences coming my way. A year is a long time, I've learned, and there's room for just about anything to happen. That used to excite me, but now, it scares me.

2013 was a pretty incredible year. I learned so many new things, and grew in so many ways. There were a lot of firsts for me, and a lot of done-this-a-thousand-times. I made memories I'll cherish for as long as I live. And I'm sad to be officially leaving that all behind. I've been here in Nova Scotia for over 3 months. Today, actually, is exactly 4 months since I left home. In some ways, it feels like it was only the other day that I hugged my friends goodbye and got into the van, trying not to cry. In other ways, it feels like years and years ago.

Either way, 2013 was probably one of the best years I remember having. There were some difficult times (hello, moving) but I definitely think the good outshone the bad a hundredfold. Now, it's just about to end, and a whole new year is coming. A whole new year of unsurety and apprehension, a new year where the page is completely blank and the bend in the road isn't a bend, it's an obnoxiously sharp turn. I have literally no idea what's in store for me. I've decided I'm not a huge fan of "new." This move has made me one of the most nostalgic people alive!

I do have some ideas, of course. I want to graduate (heeeeeee...), I want to spend my summer in Alberta and get a feel of what it would be like living on my own. And then I want to decide where I plan on spending the next few years. The thought of having to make a decision like that makes me cringe. I don't do decisions. I don't know if these things I want are going to happen. I don't have a job, I don't have the first clue how to get one where I'm living right now. Hopefully, by the time 2015 rolls in, I'll have myself a bit more straightened out.

So I guess, if I have to have a resolution, it's just one, and it's this; I resolve to take control of my life. By 2015, I want to have some sort of plan. So here's hoping!

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